My dog has a problem...

So I need to make an admission to the world... My dog is addicted to balls. Seriously! Balls! I know, I know, you say "but she's a dog... Of course she likes balls". But this degree of sickness is far more than any other I have seen in my soon-to-be 29 years of life (birthday gifts are welcome... Oct. 6th)...

To prove my point, I've taken a digital photograph (some kids call them "pics") via my cellular telephone of my dog laying completely content with an over-sized tennis ball in her mouth...

She played in the pool all day... And was exhausted... However, she is o addicted to balls that she had to keep one in her mouth the entire time she was relaxing...

Sad thing is, I knew some girls in college with the same issue!

-dwb

Perfection

'Nuff said

-dwb

Amazing Feats of Rubber...

1 Bag Rubber Bands - $0.67

1 Styrofoam Cup - $0.10

1 Half Drank Diet Dr. Pepper - $1.00

1 Potentially Deadly Rubber Band Shot from ~15 feet away - Priceless

-dwb

Flame On!

Of all the cars to paint obnoxious blue flames on... a Scion is definately at the bottom of the list! Right below the Ford Taurus and Honda CR-V, it rounds out, not only the "Top 10 Cars that Should NEVER have Flames of any Color" list, but also the "Top 10 Cars to NEVER Buy" list - interestingly...

-dwb

Get your Fiber on!

Alright... Again, it's been a while since my last post. But this time I wanted to do a bit of advertising. I tend to think that my hair is fantastic! In fact, I know it is! It is SO awesometown that usually when nuns pass me on the sidewalk they weep giant tears... So stellar is my mop that when I eat next to someone with worse hair than me (which is ALWAYS, as you can imagine) that person's food taste waaaaay better!

However, none of this outrageously fantastic hairness (or semi-unbelievable side effects) would be possible without American Crew and their little product called Fiber.

Now, recently I have tried to give a little something back to the world! I decided to shave my head (to raise money for Breast Cancer partially). I wanted to give others around me a chance to feel like they have great hair!



If only they could take my hair (previous to the shaving of course) and put it on a supermodel he/she (yes, she, my hair was that groovy) might take over the entire modeling world!

One last shout out to American Crew for producing Fiber and helping to make my hair super duper for so many years!

-dwb

Dane Cook

iPhone 3Gs... I'm not not upgrading...

*UPDATE* Just ordered 2 iPhone 3Gs's, a white one for my wife, and a black one for myself (only 16GB versions... don't want to get greedy!)

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So the 3rd Generation iPhone will be released to the unassuming public on Friday June 19th... much sooner than i expected, bee tee dub... as a goof friend of mine put it: "I think I'm gonna go 3Gs, hard not to"...

Hard not to, indeed! For us, my friend and I, it is an easy decision... we both have the 1st generation iPhones (I personally skipped the 3G, or 2nd gen, becuase GPS and 3G wasn't a big enough carrot for me... plus I think that the original is far superior in the beauty department) and we are both far enough into our 2 year contracts that we can get the fully subsidized pricing. Add in some 3G, digital compass, GPS, video, 3 megapixel camera (previous generations were 2 megapixel), upgraded processor and double the RAM (first upgrade in these areas since 1st gen), not recessed headphone jack, and the aforementioned redesigned body, and you have yourself a "no brainer". These are ONLY the things that are purely physical (as in hardware, etc.) that I simply cannot get on my current iPhone. There's a multitude of additional soft feature enhancements, mostly biproducts of combining the new iPhone 3.0 OS and the new hardware, the long awaited copy & paste functionality, text msg forwarding, voice recording and control, universal search, better Microsoft Exchange support, attaching multiple pictures to one email... i could go on, but you get the point...

-------------------- AT&T TANGENT OF HATRED --------------------

No MMS until late summer? WTF AT&T? Every other phone company in the universe can send picture messages. Before June 17th (the day iPhone 3.0 OS) Apple was to blame for not incorporating MMS capabilities into their phone software, but now that they have listened to their customers... YOU are incapable of keeping up? WTF? Oh and since you asked... waiting to allow tethering?!?! How money hungry are you? And what exactly does "Unlimited Data" mean to you? Apparently it means whatever you want it to mean... if you didn't own my digital life (tv, phone, internet, mobile), I would drop you like a bad habit! Whew... that felt good!

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As for the people that upgraded from 1st Gen to 2nd Gen or just waited and bought an iPhone 3G, well, they have a little less to look forward to... compass, video, camera upgrade, processor and RAM upgrades, and 3G speed bump... and of the course the software benefits (but those don't REALLY count for anyone that has an iPhone, because you get them for free. And they count even less for those with the 3G iPhone, since the only new features are compass and video that utilize the new software)

But for us that are known as "First Gen-ers" or the ones that are still waiting to join the cult... the time is now! Prepare yourselves for that sweet iPhone Upgrade Goodness...

Oklahoma State Football for FREE!!!

In keeping with my paltry once-a-month post schedule... I will explain the "Oklahoma State Football Tickets por gratiz Plan" I alluded to here.

So, to start, here's a refresher course on my "ranking of sports favorites" for those that don't know... the order goes a little something like this:

1. Oklahoma State Basketball
2. Oklahoma State Football
3. Oklahoma State Golf
4. All Other Oklahoma State Sports
5. Big XII Basketball
6. Big XII Football
7. All College Sports
8. Professional Golf
9. Professional Basketball
10. Professional Football

As you can see, Oklahoma State Football ranks pretty high up on my list... go figure! Now anyone with any sense would say "Hey, why doesn't your plan involve Oklahoma State Basketball? Isn't that your favorite sport?" and my reply would be "Yes, it is my favorite sport... and oh how I wish that all Basketball games were played on Saturday so that I could travel to Stillwater and watch my beloved Pokes toss the rock around... but that dream will have to wait. I can, however, live the dream of visiting my Alma Mater every Saturday in the fall for the 2nd choice on my list."

So, on with the plan:

I recently purchased 4 Oklahoma State Football tickets with a couple that my wife and I are friends with... we bought 4 in order to get the "Wild West End Zone Fun Pack" discount... which saves roughly $225 over the single ticket West End Zone price. That being said, I have now have 2 tickets to 8 home games that cost me a total of $575 (there was a $30 processing fee for those keeping track) These seats are in Section 101, Row 4, Seats 1 & 2... See Diagram Here (bottom right hand corner, if you're looking at the Diagram)

Currently the going price for a Georgia at Oklahoma State Football Ticket is roughly $300 for good seats, which we have... now i know that being that far down in the End Zone can be a negative, but being that freaking close to the field offsets any negative! Oh and by the way, Mike Holder (our mediocre Athletic Director) has made one game per season unavailable for purchase to "non-season ticket holders"... this season the Georgia game is THAT game!

To recap, if I can sell 2 tickets at $300/ticket for the first game, then I can recoup the ENTIRE cost of my season and enjoy the other 7 games por gratiz!!!

Ahhh, thank you very muuuuuuch!

Kentacohut Sagtasticness...

Sooooo... I guess this needs some explanation. For the record, I am happily married and not gay in any way. I only mention this because it is obvious that I have taken a picture (very nonchalantly, I might add) of this young African-American gentleman's derriere, and posted in the blogosphere. And after looking at the picture, noticed that this particular gentleman seems to be in good shape... think what you will... this is just my observation. Anyway, on to the point of the post...

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I used to "sag", as they say, back in the day, again as they say. But when this fad-a-rific trend hit white-middle america (circa 1996), I never went much further than 505 Levi's that were 1 1/2 sizes too big, OR pants that fit sans belt. NEVER, I mean NEVER, was I able to acheive what I am coining as"Maximum Sag"...

"Maximum Sag" or "SagMax" (which is what people have started calling it) is extremely difficult to acheive and to actually see someone displaying their "Sagtasticness" in the wild... well, let me just tell you friends, its as rare as a quality Pauly Shore movie. I had to be very careful taking this gem, because once you achieve "SagMax" you are such a BAMF that you will inflict personal injury on anyone that tries to "Out Sag" you... Need Proof? Notice the person in the background? He is friends with "Saggy McSaggerson" and tried to have more sag.

Saggy broke the dude's arm! Nuff said... enjoy!

Also, if you weren't aware... Kentacohut is what the young whipper-snappers are calling those fast food joint's that are a trifecta of Yum! KFC, Taco Bell, and Pizza Hut all in one... Kentacohut! Ah, youth... so creative.

Three Sizes

Fun with sizes... (and after reviewing the post, fun with parenthesis as well)

So after getting the first of the three brews (the larger one) I asked the waitress for a smaller beer (Miller Light in case anyone is wondering... but if you really know me then you weren't wondering... you already knew). She proceeded to bring the itty bitty one (actually a shot-glass of beer) as a joke, i hope... cause it was funny. We all had a good laugh (me, the empty "cannon of beer" and the shot-glass full of beer, yes, we all laughed heartily)... and she brought me the regular pint glass of ML. I then felt the need to take a picture and post it here...

Moral: Little beers need lovin' too...

Houston Live Stock Show and Rodeo: A People Watching Festival...

Alright, since my good pal Matt H. has been "blogging his arse off" lately... I feel the need to keep up with him. Apparently, he doesn't work or have a social life... Ok, now on with the blog...

So last weekend (or was it two weekends ago?) was the last weekend of the Houston Live Stock Show & Rodeo. For those that don't know, each night there is a concert after the actual rodeo. This night it was Brooks & Dunn... not my favorite but only because I haven't heard much of their stuff since circa ninteen-diggity... but the fact that i know every lyric to every song they put out before said date means that I am still a Brooks & Dunn fan...

But the real beauty of this post, is the people watching extravaganza that is the HLSS&R!!! The iPhone is PERFECT for capturing people while acting like you are checking your email, browsing the internets, etc. So thank you iPhone for showing the diversity in America all in one place. Below are some photos and some comments: Enjoy... or Not...


(left) Mullet! 'Nuff said...

(middle) At no time during this experience did I think about my Jr year of HS's Homecoming Dance.... EXCEPT for the moment I took this picture. But remember, boys and girls, we are at the HLSS&R, NOT a Homecoming dance. Only thing missing is a giant Homecoming Mum... only you people who went to HS in TX, or know someone who did, will understand that one

(right) just felt like taking this kids picture...


(left) I dunno... struck me as funny....

(middle)This woman had approx. 42 children, the reason you can only see 2, is that the other +-40 were running around screaming... I guess she only had the patients to teach these two manners. Nice figure for so many kiddos, don't ya think?

(right)This one I took just becuase this guy decided to stare right into my phone as I was "checking my email", and it caught my attention... looks like it is "American Cowboy's" (see below) bland cousin...


(left) lady trying to untangle her gaggle of "glow-in-the-dark" necklaces... funny eh? no? okay.

(middle) the sites of the "carnival-like" rodeo...

(right) This one is absolutely my favorite! Mr. American Cowboy himself...When I took this, it was early in the "photo session" and I hadn't gotten the courage up to get closer... either way, this is FANTASTIC!


And last, but certainly not least, my beautiful wife (right) and my pals beautiful wife (left)... aren't we lucky...

Ciao!

The iPhone Survey: Random Glory... or Not

I stole an idea from a good friend, distant only in recent communication and location, Matt. I'm no fan of survey's via MySpace, Facebook, and the like, but this one just seemed too randomly cool to pass up...

The main difference is that Matt followed the rules and used his entire iTunes library... I, on the other hand, used my entire iPhone library. It's about 6.5 gigs worth of music, so the results should be just as random and hopefully as humorous. So here goes:

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag whoever you want including me
5. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Something You Don't See Everyday... - Jason Boland (weird... answer)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Inside the Fire - Disturbed (I think the band name is more fitting than the song title...)

WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Jaded - Next To Nothing (interesting... but glad my boys showed up on the list)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
In Pieces - Linkin Park (oddly, true)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
On Bended Knee - Boyz II Men (hmmmm... apparently I've already achieved all that I will ever acheive... marriage)

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Rodeo - Garth Brooks (i guess you can read into that one... i guess?)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
House of Wolves - My Chemical Romance (nope... but i'm not sure there is a song titled "Your Awesome", so this'll do)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Wrapped Around - Brad Paisley (this isn't turning out as well as i planned)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
It's All Over Town - Wade Bowen (strike two...)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR FIRST KISS?
The Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson (ok, ok, there's one...)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND(s)?
Only Human - Jason Mraz (true, so true)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Radar - Britney Spears (I apologize, my wife bought her new album... and it has now affected my entire life story...ugh!)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Laredo - Chris Cagle (sorry guys)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Faded Life - Jeff Hobbs (wow... i hope my wife doesn't see this... yikes)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Lucky - Jason Mraz feat. Colby Caillat (it would have been creepy if it had actually been the right song)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Sideways - Dierks Bentley (how literal! ha)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Out from Under - Britney Spears (again, sorry... plus this is getting a bit dirty)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Get Stoned - Hinder (hmmmm, so my greatest fear is actually being paranoid and smelling badly?)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Against the Grain - Garth Brooks (i'll take it... not that its a big secret... or true)

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
The Dynamo of Volition - Jason Mraz (HOW DID IT KNOW!?!?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Oklahoma Girl - Eli Young Band (ok... maybe the ones from Oklahoma... that are girls)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Figure It Out - Plain White T's (good way to end it)

Once in a lifetime

So, I have a desk calendar... some are funny, some are not... and some that are funny are really just "groaners". This one, well, it started off funny, then just kept getting funnier... then we played the song here at the office. It was great! Anway, I thought I should share...

In case you can't read the caption:

"Eventually, his releif at being saved would give way to crusshing disappointment over not having taken his one opportunity to say "DOMO ARIGATO, MR. ROBOTO."

Pretty Funny stuff...

Notes from a Whale's Vagina: Days 2 & 3

Alright, its been a while since the San Diego Trip... so we'll suffice it to say... beautiful, beautiful, beautiful... I will be visiting again... hopefully with my wife this time!


I'll spare you all the gory business details...The Sharepoint Conference was informative and well worth my company's expense. PLUS it was at the Hilton at Torrey Pines on the week of the Buick Invitational... I didn't get to see any pros out there, but i was this close (imagine me holding my index finger and thumb very close together up to an invisible "blog camera")



--:SHRUBBERY SIDENOTE:--
There was some very odd, grass-like, ground-covering plants that were everywhere (see left) It was a brilliant mixture of the aloe vera plant and bermuda... but with flowers... it was pretty and ugly at the same time. It was everywhere, but I (being a midwest native) had never seen it before.
--:END SIDENOTE:--


Next we went down to the Gas Lamp District in downtown San Diego... definately not quite Sixth Street in Austin, TX (less partying and more chill than Sixth) but very cool non-the-less. Didn't have much time to do much but walk around and have a nice seafood dinner (complete with sushi as an app-a-teaser)

Finally, that night it was off to Coronodo Island. My boss (the one with the white, or blonde as he like to say, hair in the 2nd SD Post) is a Navy man and was stationed in Coronodo for a time. So he took us and showed us around the small island. We walked on the beach at night and walked up to the Hotel Del Coronodo . 120 years old and still as magnificent as ever.

A few other notables pictured below:

Sea Lions IN THE WILD!!!

In N Out Burger - My first trip... WON'T be my last... very good... for a fast food joint.

A beach picture... to be jealous of...

A tree picture... to be wondering why the picture was even taken.... of.

Notes from a Whale's Vagina: Day 1 - Part 2

After we landed, we got off the plane and experienced 70 degree weather in February. Now, it needs to be said that the weather has been similar in Jan/Feb in Dallas as well, but it seemed much nicer in San Diego for some reason... I dunno maybe it was the fact that I was in California. Anyway, we checked into the Hilton Garden Inn... decent hotel in La Jolla (i think we were in La Jolla... if not we were dang close) By the time we checked in we were pretty hungry, so we set off to find a spot to eat. It requirements were A) they had food of some variety & B) it was on the beach. So we went to Del Mar (another little town outside of SD) and found Poseidon. The view was FANTASTIC! You can see it if you look right behind my boss's boss's head in the picture on the left...

I guess this would be a good time to tell you who the people in the picures are (or are going to be). My boss's boss, who I just mentioned is Chris. Stephanie and Josh were also with us (I'm sure you'll be able to tell who is who in the next two pictures)
So now that you know the cast, we can continue on this thrilling adventure... after we ate, we walked around a bit and decided we needed to find a place to park ourselves for the Super Bowl... didn't want to miss a second. We asked around and found a spot called Jimmy O's. It was a little hole-in-the wall in Del Mar with about as many flat screens on the wall as... well lets just say the capacity to tv ratio was somewhere around 5:1... not bad for a small joint like that. We grabbed nearly the last open/not already reserved table and prepared for the game. We still had about 2 hours till the game started (remember it started 2 hours earlier there than it did back home) so we all ordered a beverage of choice and talked shop for a while. Then we watched one of the best Super Bowl's in recent history. Though i wasn't impressed with the commercials, except 1 (now remember we were in a loud bar, so the audio might have made some of them more impressive than i could tell) Doritos Commercial was awesome!

After that we went home and slept... Day 2 coming soon (if you definition of soon is sometime this week... and possibly this weekend)

Another Blog for Another Time...

Notes from a Whale's Vagina: Day 1 - Part 1

Intro:
In my life I have had the privilege of traveling/visiting most of the 57 United States of America… I think at last count it was 36 or 37. Not only that, but I have been able to see most of the uber-historical sites in said states… Colonial Williamsberg and Jamestown in the Northeast, The Alamo in Texas, Disney World and Land in Cali… (Some notable ones not visited are Mt. Rushmore, the Redwood Forests, and the Grand Canyon, I will see these before I die) This was all possible because my parents thought it was important to bring their offspring to these places as yearly family vacations. (Little did they know that their kids wouldn’t truly appreciate this until they were well into their 20’s, oh well… ) Some of these destinations were checked off my bucket list long before I ever had a bucket list (or even knew what high school was for that matter) in other words we were young. This brings me to San Diego… well actually a Microsoft Office SharePoint Best Practices Conference that stared on Monday brought me there, but who’s counting…

I’ll do this a day at a time (and maybe not 1 day/ per day, if that makes sense…) So here we go…

Day 1:

Alright, so the first thing I remember from San Diego was the fact that when you fly in to town from the East (rather than the North i guess, since the city is tucked in basically the Southwestern most corner of the U.S) you come eerily close to the buildings downtown. Seriously, if i could roll the window down on the airplane like i could on our rental car (which by the way, was an Oldsmobile Grand Marquis) ... i could have thrown a baseball through a window of one of the downtown buildings... again, seriously... it was eerily close.

We flew in on Sunday morning… “Why? I thought the Conference didn’t start until Monday?” you ask… well, Sunday happened to be the Super Bowl. And I didn't want to be flying during the Super Bowl... ummmm DUH! Beauty is a common theme here... chicks, beaches, shrubbery (yes, i said shrubbery), the ocean... a whole lot of beauty here! After 3 1/2 days in San Diego, CA, I can say that it is the closest thing to paradise that you can find in the continental U.S. (and per my parents I have been to most of the Hawiian islands once or twice, and per my Honeymoon I have been to the Bahamas once, plust Cancun and Cozumel... so I've seen some decent beaches and waters...) and this is pretty darn close to all of those!

So, after we landed... well that's a different post...

Sunset in La Jolla, CA

SD Teaser #2

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