Kentacohut Sagtasticness...

Sooooo... I guess this needs some explanation. For the record, I am happily married and not gay in any way. I only mention this because it is obvious that I have taken a picture (very nonchalantly, I might add) of this young African-American gentleman's derriere, and posted in the blogosphere. And after looking at the picture, noticed that this particular gentleman seems to be in good shape... think what you will... this is just my observation. Anyway, on to the point of the post...

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I used to "sag", as they say, back in the day, again as they say. But when this fad-a-rific trend hit white-middle america (circa 1996), I never went much further than 505 Levi's that were 1 1/2 sizes too big, OR pants that fit sans belt. NEVER, I mean NEVER, was I able to acheive what I am coining as"Maximum Sag"...

"Maximum Sag" or "SagMax" (which is what people have started calling it) is extremely difficult to acheive and to actually see someone displaying their "Sagtasticness" in the wild... well, let me just tell you friends, its as rare as a quality Pauly Shore movie. I had to be very careful taking this gem, because once you achieve "SagMax" you are such a BAMF that you will inflict personal injury on anyone that tries to "Out Sag" you... Need Proof? Notice the person in the background? He is friends with "Saggy McSaggerson" and tried to have more sag.

Saggy broke the dude's arm! Nuff said... enjoy!

Also, if you weren't aware... Kentacohut is what the young whipper-snappers are calling those fast food joint's that are a trifecta of Yum! KFC, Taco Bell, and Pizza Hut all in one... Kentacohut! Ah, youth... so creative.

Three Sizes

Fun with sizes... (and after reviewing the post, fun with parenthesis as well)

So after getting the first of the three brews (the larger one) I asked the waitress for a smaller beer (Miller Light in case anyone is wondering... but if you really know me then you weren't wondering... you already knew). She proceeded to bring the itty bitty one (actually a shot-glass of beer) as a joke, i hope... cause it was funny. We all had a good laugh (me, the empty "cannon of beer" and the shot-glass full of beer, yes, we all laughed heartily)... and she brought me the regular pint glass of ML. I then felt the need to take a picture and post it here...

Moral: Little beers need lovin' too...

Houston Live Stock Show and Rodeo: A People Watching Festival...

Alright, since my good pal Matt H. has been "blogging his arse off" lately... I feel the need to keep up with him. Apparently, he doesn't work or have a social life... Ok, now on with the blog...

So last weekend (or was it two weekends ago?) was the last weekend of the Houston Live Stock Show & Rodeo. For those that don't know, each night there is a concert after the actual rodeo. This night it was Brooks & Dunn... not my favorite but only because I haven't heard much of their stuff since circa ninteen-diggity... but the fact that i know every lyric to every song they put out before said date means that I am still a Brooks & Dunn fan...

But the real beauty of this post, is the people watching extravaganza that is the HLSS&R!!! The iPhone is PERFECT for capturing people while acting like you are checking your email, browsing the internets, etc. So thank you iPhone for showing the diversity in America all in one place. Below are some photos and some comments: Enjoy... or Not...


(left) Mullet! 'Nuff said...

(middle) At no time during this experience did I think about my Jr year of HS's Homecoming Dance.... EXCEPT for the moment I took this picture. But remember, boys and girls, we are at the HLSS&R, NOT a Homecoming dance. Only thing missing is a giant Homecoming Mum... only you people who went to HS in TX, or know someone who did, will understand that one

(right) just felt like taking this kids picture...


(left) I dunno... struck me as funny....

(middle)This woman had approx. 42 children, the reason you can only see 2, is that the other +-40 were running around screaming... I guess she only had the patients to teach these two manners. Nice figure for so many kiddos, don't ya think?

(right)This one I took just becuase this guy decided to stare right into my phone as I was "checking my email", and it caught my attention... looks like it is "American Cowboy's" (see below) bland cousin...


(left) lady trying to untangle her gaggle of "glow-in-the-dark" necklaces... funny eh? no? okay.

(middle) the sites of the "carnival-like" rodeo...

(right) This one is absolutely my favorite! Mr. American Cowboy himself...When I took this, it was early in the "photo session" and I hadn't gotten the courage up to get closer... either way, this is FANTASTIC!


And last, but certainly not least, my beautiful wife (right) and my pals beautiful wife (left)... aren't we lucky...

Ciao!

The iPhone Survey: Random Glory... or Not

I stole an idea from a good friend, distant only in recent communication and location, Matt. I'm no fan of survey's via MySpace, Facebook, and the like, but this one just seemed too randomly cool to pass up...

The main difference is that Matt followed the rules and used his entire iTunes library... I, on the other hand, used my entire iPhone library. It's about 6.5 gigs worth of music, so the results should be just as random and hopefully as humorous. So here goes:

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag whoever you want including me
5. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
Something You Don't See Everyday... - Jason Boland (weird... answer)

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Inside the Fire - Disturbed (I think the band name is more fitting than the song title...)

WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Jaded - Next To Nothing (interesting... but glad my boys showed up on the list)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
In Pieces - Linkin Park (oddly, true)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
On Bended Knee - Boyz II Men (hmmmm... apparently I've already achieved all that I will ever acheive... marriage)

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Rodeo - Garth Brooks (i guess you can read into that one... i guess?)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
House of Wolves - My Chemical Romance (nope... but i'm not sure there is a song titled "Your Awesome", so this'll do)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Wrapped Around - Brad Paisley (this isn't turning out as well as i planned)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
It's All Over Town - Wade Bowen (strike two...)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR FIRST KISS?
The Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson (ok, ok, there's one...)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND(s)?
Only Human - Jason Mraz (true, so true)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Radar - Britney Spears (I apologize, my wife bought her new album... and it has now affected my entire life story...ugh!)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Laredo - Chris Cagle (sorry guys)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Faded Life - Jeff Hobbs (wow... i hope my wife doesn't see this... yikes)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Lucky - Jason Mraz feat. Colby Caillat (it would have been creepy if it had actually been the right song)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Sideways - Dierks Bentley (how literal! ha)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Out from Under - Britney Spears (again, sorry... plus this is getting a bit dirty)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Get Stoned - Hinder (hmmmm, so my greatest fear is actually being paranoid and smelling badly?)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Against the Grain - Garth Brooks (i'll take it... not that its a big secret... or true)

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
The Dynamo of Volition - Jason Mraz (HOW DID IT KNOW!?!?)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Oklahoma Girl - Eli Young Band (ok... maybe the ones from Oklahoma... that are girls)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Figure It Out - Plain White T's (good way to end it)

Once in a lifetime

So, I have a desk calendar... some are funny, some are not... and some that are funny are really just "groaners". This one, well, it started off funny, then just kept getting funnier... then we played the song here at the office. It was great! Anway, I thought I should share...

In case you can't read the caption:

"Eventually, his releif at being saved would give way to crusshing disappointment over not having taken his one opportunity to say "DOMO ARIGATO, MR. ROBOTO."

Pretty Funny stuff...

Notes from a Whale's Vagina: Days 2 & 3

Alright, its been a while since the San Diego Trip... so we'll suffice it to say... beautiful, beautiful, beautiful... I will be visiting again... hopefully with my wife this time!


I'll spare you all the gory business details...The Sharepoint Conference was informative and well worth my company's expense. PLUS it was at the Hilton at Torrey Pines on the week of the Buick Invitational... I didn't get to see any pros out there, but i was this close (imagine me holding my index finger and thumb very close together up to an invisible "blog camera")



--:SHRUBBERY SIDENOTE:--
There was some very odd, grass-like, ground-covering plants that were everywhere (see left) It was a brilliant mixture of the aloe vera plant and bermuda... but with flowers... it was pretty and ugly at the same time. It was everywhere, but I (being a midwest native) had never seen it before.
--:END SIDENOTE:--


Next we went down to the Gas Lamp District in downtown San Diego... definately not quite Sixth Street in Austin, TX (less partying and more chill than Sixth) but very cool non-the-less. Didn't have much time to do much but walk around and have a nice seafood dinner (complete with sushi as an app-a-teaser)

Finally, that night it was off to Coronodo Island. My boss (the one with the white, or blonde as he like to say, hair in the 2nd SD Post) is a Navy man and was stationed in Coronodo for a time. So he took us and showed us around the small island. We walked on the beach at night and walked up to the Hotel Del Coronodo . 120 years old and still as magnificent as ever.

A few other notables pictured below:

Sea Lions IN THE WILD!!!

In N Out Burger - My first trip... WON'T be my last... very good... for a fast food joint.

A beach picture... to be jealous of...

A tree picture... to be wondering why the picture was even taken.... of.

Notes from a Whale's Vagina: Day 1 - Part 2

After we landed, we got off the plane and experienced 70 degree weather in February. Now, it needs to be said that the weather has been similar in Jan/Feb in Dallas as well, but it seemed much nicer in San Diego for some reason... I dunno maybe it was the fact that I was in California. Anyway, we checked into the Hilton Garden Inn... decent hotel in La Jolla (i think we were in La Jolla... if not we were dang close) By the time we checked in we were pretty hungry, so we set off to find a spot to eat. It requirements were A) they had food of some variety & B) it was on the beach. So we went to Del Mar (another little town outside of SD) and found Poseidon. The view was FANTASTIC! You can see it if you look right behind my boss's boss's head in the picture on the left...

I guess this would be a good time to tell you who the people in the picures are (or are going to be). My boss's boss, who I just mentioned is Chris. Stephanie and Josh were also with us (I'm sure you'll be able to tell who is who in the next two pictures)
So now that you know the cast, we can continue on this thrilling adventure... after we ate, we walked around a bit and decided we needed to find a place to park ourselves for the Super Bowl... didn't want to miss a second. We asked around and found a spot called Jimmy O's. It was a little hole-in-the wall in Del Mar with about as many flat screens on the wall as... well lets just say the capacity to tv ratio was somewhere around 5:1... not bad for a small joint like that. We grabbed nearly the last open/not already reserved table and prepared for the game. We still had about 2 hours till the game started (remember it started 2 hours earlier there than it did back home) so we all ordered a beverage of choice and talked shop for a while. Then we watched one of the best Super Bowl's in recent history. Though i wasn't impressed with the commercials, except 1 (now remember we were in a loud bar, so the audio might have made some of them more impressive than i could tell) Doritos Commercial was awesome!

After that we went home and slept... Day 2 coming soon (if you definition of soon is sometime this week... and possibly this weekend)

Another Blog for Another Time...

Notes from a Whale's Vagina: Day 1 - Part 1

Intro:
In my life I have had the privilege of traveling/visiting most of the 57 United States of America… I think at last count it was 36 or 37. Not only that, but I have been able to see most of the uber-historical sites in said states… Colonial Williamsberg and Jamestown in the Northeast, The Alamo in Texas, Disney World and Land in Cali… (Some notable ones not visited are Mt. Rushmore, the Redwood Forests, and the Grand Canyon, I will see these before I die) This was all possible because my parents thought it was important to bring their offspring to these places as yearly family vacations. (Little did they know that their kids wouldn’t truly appreciate this until they were well into their 20’s, oh well… ) Some of these destinations were checked off my bucket list long before I ever had a bucket list (or even knew what high school was for that matter) in other words we were young. This brings me to San Diego… well actually a Microsoft Office SharePoint Best Practices Conference that stared on Monday brought me there, but who’s counting…

I’ll do this a day at a time (and maybe not 1 day/ per day, if that makes sense…) So here we go…

Day 1:

Alright, so the first thing I remember from San Diego was the fact that when you fly in to town from the East (rather than the North i guess, since the city is tucked in basically the Southwestern most corner of the U.S) you come eerily close to the buildings downtown. Seriously, if i could roll the window down on the airplane like i could on our rental car (which by the way, was an Oldsmobile Grand Marquis) ... i could have thrown a baseball through a window of one of the downtown buildings... again, seriously... it was eerily close.

We flew in on Sunday morning… “Why? I thought the Conference didn’t start until Monday?” you ask… well, Sunday happened to be the Super Bowl. And I didn't want to be flying during the Super Bowl... ummmm DUH! Beauty is a common theme here... chicks, beaches, shrubbery (yes, i said shrubbery), the ocean... a whole lot of beauty here! After 3 1/2 days in San Diego, CA, I can say that it is the closest thing to paradise that you can find in the continental U.S. (and per my parents I have been to most of the Hawiian islands once or twice, and per my Honeymoon I have been to the Bahamas once, plust Cancun and Cozumel... so I've seen some decent beaches and waters...) and this is pretty darn close to all of those!

So, after we landed... well that's a different post...

Sunset in La Jolla, CA

SD Teaser #2

Next Blog: Preview...

A new year update... subtitled: My blog's not dead... yet

New year resolutions are for over-achievers, setters of unrealistic goals, and chronic procrastinators... Mine are listed below:

1. Look better naked (this is actually a request by my wife, but being a good husband i moved it to the top of the list)

2. Update this very blog more often (random mobile uploads accompanied by one-liners DO count)
3. Drink less alcohol (not by volume but by frequency, if the frequency is less and the volume comes out the same... well... maybe that'll make the list for 2010)

4. Keep in better contact with close, yet distant friends (having said friends read this blog DOES count)

5. WIN money in Vegas this year, rather going for a threepeat of the last few visits (Sorry Pat Riley, I'm not paying you any royalties)

6. Attend at least 5 regular season Oklahoma State Football games - FOR FREE (another blog on this coming soon)

7. Acheive World Peace...

8. See a Flying Squirrell fly (in real life, not on TV)

Ok, some were serious and some were for grins... you decide which are which...

As far as 2009 so far, well, I can say that it has been good me and mine. My wife recently got a promotion in a time when others are losing their jobs. I recently went permant at the company where I was contracting for the past year... yeah health benefits, boo pay cut...

Last year, I lost approximately 45 "el bees" and this year i have gained 15 of it back, and then lost 10 of it again... my closest friends refer to me as the "incredible shrinking, growing, shrinking man" (actually, no they don't. that would just be silly)

It has been 4 months since my last blog post... #2 above should take care of these giant gaps of time... and to end this one i would like to share the logo i created for my Fantasy Football Team this past NFL season:



My team was named either (depending on the League) "The Raging Mooseknuckles" or "The Mooseknuckles of Rage"...
Be Proud Mom, Be Proud!

It's guy love... Between Two Guys...

Yes you read that correctly!!!

His t-shirt says "boobies make me smile" America's finest right here
in Southlake Texas! The only question is... Does that mean he makes
himself smile?!?

Only in an IT office!!!

This great little guy is the creation of the the worlds best cat5
artist...maybe even one and only cat5 artist...

The Paper Kutt v2.0 (a.k.a. The Paper Kutt 3G)

HOLY CRAP!!! July 15th?!?! Where has time gone?

That is the last time I posted on here... whew! I guess life has been busy lately... or maybe, just maybe, i'm just lazy with a capital Z?!?! The world may never know...

So for the last 5 months, i have been redesigning a website i built last year. (yes, it took me 5 months, i did it in my spare time.... sheesh guys!)

I think the site design is 110% better... but i'll let you decide... wait, what? you don't remember the old site? well, my friend, you are better off not remembering...

Anyway, check it and comment if you'd like www.thepaperkutt.com

PS Lemme know what you think of the logo...

Our NEW Saab 93!

Behold the wonder that is our new car. Not the best picture in the world, but it will do for blogging purposes...

The perfect blend of size, safety, power, luxury, looks and mpg. In case u didn't know it was rated the safest sedan on the road for 2008 (or something close to that, relating to safety). Which, contrary to popular belief, is safer than an equivilent volvo (s40/s60) that hasn't been redesigned since 2001. At 27mpg on the hight end (EPA rating - hopefully can get a bit more out of it on an actual road trip) and 20 on the low, it still comes in about 3mpg's better than the best performance of our old 2005 Jeep Grand POS... :)

Anway, just wanted to share our news with you folks...

-dwb OUT!

Free iTunes at Starbucks?!?! Where have I been???

My turban toe

Yesterday i had a dr. turn my toe into a small festive arab man... i never knew that it would be so freakin painful... i can only imagine what would happen if my whole foot had joined the arab nation... check the pic below to see my new turban toe...

P.S. I know that this is not very PC... but seriously... its a joke and if it offends you then you're a retard....